ABUSING A NATURAL WONDER WAS NEVER SO COMFORTABLE
These are the Niagra falls seen from the 26th floor of the Embassy Suites Hotel. Now, aren’t they grand? Good thing you can’t see the hotel itself. It’s a real eyesore.
And not just the hotel. Everything on this side of the Niagara is a grotesque piece of unplanned monstrosity. A tourist attraction gone horribly wrong.
Shall we grab another Brandy from the minibar?
F*** Mother Nature!
I’m grabbing one of those corny Muslin-clad Beige MacSofas and drag them to the giant curved window of my corner suite.
Man, oh-man, what a view!
You can stare down at the 675 meter-wide arc of The Horseshoe Cataract for days on end and never get tired. The sheer mass of falling water is hypnotizing, like a giant pocket watch dangling in front of your eyes.
Where was I?
Oh, yes, I’m in Niagra Falls City, Canada, a true Guadian carbuncle of mammoth proportions. The place is so tasteless, loud and vulgar, it manages to make Las Vegas look like Monte Carlo in comparison.
So why am I feeling so fine?
I’m turning the volume up on the audio system. It’s July, and outside it’s 30 something degrees centigrade. Inside it’s a pleasant 22 and Brahms plays so nicely through Suite’s built-in audio systems. Down below, just near the giant waterfall scores of “regular people” flood the railings in a desperate to get gimps of the giant Niagara Falls. Up here, 100 meters above the fray, they look more like little “dots” straight out of The Third Man’s Ferris Wheel scene.
How did we get here?
Niagara Falls have long been a source of inspiration for explorers, travelers, artists, and visitors, but not just them. Discovered centuries before anyone thought about conservation, the falls were devoted almost entirely to industrial and commercial use. By the late 19th century it was actually hard to see them at all beyond the sheer wall of factories, waste, and smoke. Niagara was an economic resource before it became a tourist attraction, and by the time it did, it was already too late to kick the developers out.
So, the developers on the Canadian side were given a free hand. What the created could easily count as one of the most ungainly sights of unchecked construction. A hideous pile of cheaply designed and poorly built line of high rising hotels right on the edge of the ravine. They lined the streets of the town with neon lights and crude attractions and added fireworks every other night.
What did I do in the face of all of this?
Well, the only logical thing. I booked a corner suite on the 26th floor of the Embassy Suites and took my family with me, that’s what I did!
Wouldn’t you?
I couldn’t take my mind off the title and thought you were praising the plumbing at the falls. That’s what comes of speaking Hebrew.
LOL :-))